Ngoc & Love

I don’t even know where to start. If you asked me 10 years ago where I would be in life, this would not be it.

I was happy. I thought I was marrying the love of my life. I imagined we would build this perfect life together. However, I was wrong. I should have saw the signs. I should have listened to my intuition. That feeling telling me something was wrong; but instead, like always, I took the easy road. The one that makes less ripples. The one that makes everyone happy. Everyone but me.

For years, I lied to myself. I tried making the best of things. I tried telling myself it would be better. “Just give it time”. But the thing is, how much time? How much time do I wait? I’m not getting any younger and the clock is ticking. “Time waits for no one”. I was slowly dying inside. I was surrounded by loved ones but felt so alone. Life was on repeat- work, eat, sleep and take care of the house and kids. It was like clockwork. Sometimes, I didn’t even think. I just completed my tasks mindlessly.

Until one day, about a year ago, I made the move. It all happened so fast. I was so scared. It was the first time in my life, I didn’t have a plan. The only thing I knew was that I needed to do it for me. Enough was enough. I wanted to be happy.

So… here I am. Almost forty, going through a divorce and mother of two. I have no clue what I’m doing and can’t see the future. Does it scare me? Yes. Many times, I have told myself to turn around. Fix it. “It’s not too late”. But do I really want to?

No. I don’t. This is the new me. My next chapter in life.